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Monday, March 15, 2010

Having A Rant: The Taker Mum

There's gotta be at least one mum at every school, every preschool and every daycare (but, unfortunately, usually more). She is, what I call, the Taker Mum.

This is the mum who thinks that for some reason, they deserve certain benefits and privileges that others do not. For instance, they're the mum who usually:

- Rocks up at school for morning drop off in their car, and rather than quickly get their kids out - and kiss them on their merry way - they park their car, and get out to have a chat with a friend for 30 minutes, whilst everyone else is forced to move around them.

- Turns up to school pick up and, unable to find a parking spot, parks partly over a resident's driveway, obviously telling themselves that they'll only be "five minutes", when in reality it's more like "fifteen". (And I'm one of those residents, next to a school, so I know how frustrating that is.)

- Never puts her hand up to help out with school activities, but turns up to anything and sits in the corner drinking tea and eating cake (even when she hasn't brought anything to share).

- Always attends mother's groups at others people's houses, but never ever hosts one. Or at the very least, never organises a mother's group catch up anywhere.

- Will actually put her hand up to help out at a school activity, and then spends the whole time not turning up to meetings, or if she does, dodging any responsibility and generally being present for appearance sake only.

- Is always happy for her child to go to someone's house for a play date, but never reciprocates.

And the list goes on...

I'm not perfect. I've turned up to a Year 3 function, and although I was supposed to "bring a plate" of something, I didn't. (I'd had a busy week, and you know, I do my bit at the school.)

I understand some just can't spare the time. Of course that happens! But if you can, and you don't because you "can't be bothered", then you know what? I'm annoyed.

What about you? Know any "Taker Mum's" yourself?



Jodi said...

How frustrating - I'm not a mum yet but I can imagine how this would irk you!

I'll bet though that these women go home and brag to their family and friends that they're so busy, important and involved in the school and its causes.

miss carly said...

i have seen these mums {not being a mum yet myself}. my sisters friends will sleep over but never invite her to stay, expect my mum to pay for the movies, food, drinks, etc. sure mum doesnt mind if it wasnt planned, but when it is, mum prefers them to pay.

i really doubt id be anything like this. on my prac. i am forever offering to make and do things for my teacher and leaving everything i make. but thats just me..

Taryn said...

God! I know so many people like that. Not just Mums! xx

fat mum slim said...

Yeah. I know Taker-Type-People. Ugh.

I'm a Give-Type-Person. I like that role better. x

april said...

I know that right now I'm coming off as one of those Mums as my kids just want to go to other kids houses and not have them here as they are embarrassed by where we are living :s not a good feeling :s Hate not reciprocating

Little Miss Moi said...

I lived overseas until about a year ago, and we were on the poor scale of expat packages. We were on average Australian salaries, while we were living with people whose companies paid their rent of $10,000/month, as well as putting all their kids through very expensive international schools. The mind boggles at what their actual take home salary must have been.

I was part of a women's club (part social and part charity/fundraising organisation), and we had weekly meetings at people's places. I *never* hosted, because I couldn't fit more than 5 people in my living room. Comparing this to the 300sqm homes of my friends, who also employed full time cooks, nannies, gardeners and drivers, well... I was embarrassed.

Not saying that it's the same as this situation. But it did make me far less critical of people who don't immediately step forward and welcome others into their homes.

Anyway, I'm a take charge person, but my husband is a sit back person. His philosophy is that he can see the job is getting done, so obviously things are under control. But if he's asked to help, he's more than willing to lend a hand.

Perhaps time for a prompting word at some of these meetings..?

Jodie at Mummy Mayhem said...

Gosh, I understand this completely! That's why I said that even if some don't host something (and not everyone is comfortable or able to do that), then at least helping with the organisation of the odd catch up would be great etc, which is obviously what you were doing.

I recently had to write a little reminder to parents in our school's newsletter about the parking in front of the driveways. It's an ongoing issue, and frustrating. Some just don't get that other people are affected by this stuff. Prompting is a good idea!

Thanks Little Miss Moi! x

Jodie at Mummy Mayhem said...

April, that's difficult. But I'm really talking about Mums who don't do *anything*, so most definitely wouldn't lump you in that group!

If the parents know your situation, then don't worry about it. They'll understand. But if they don't know and you're worried about it, you could take the kids to the park for a play date instead if you wanted. My friend, when renovating, did that a couple of times.

But having said that, you have years ahead of you when you can do that stuff! If they're people who know you, they'll understand that!


Kylie said...

I know plenty! I am on the school board and quite frankly do not enjoy it one bit- but it helps the school my children will attend for 10 years total, so you have to put in. The worst parents are the ones who complain loudly and often about all the many things wrong with a school (or preschool) but never, ever do anything to help, or even offer constructive suggestions. Grr.

Jodie at Mummy Mayhem said...

I hear you Kylie!

I'm on my school's P&F, and in the past there have been parents who turn up at the last meeting of the year so they can criticize the budget and voice their opinions on stuff, but won't attend a single other meeting, or do anything about helping to sort out the situation. They just want to put in their two cents worth with as little effort as possible!

stacey said...

Maybe some of these mums have other things/problems on their minds and are just doing the best they can to get by?

Sarah said...

I can soooo relate to this! I found your blog through the Friday Follow at Mummy Time, and am now your newest follower! I look forward to reading more of you posts! :)



Jodie at Mummy Mayhem said...

Would definitely say that's the case for some. For sure.

But unfortunately, some are just plain inconsiderate who can't be bothered!

Jodie at Mummy Mayhem said...

Oh, thanks for stopping by Sarah! Good old Brenda is building quite the network. I'll check out your blog! x

jessica said...

One word: Narcissist

Sick of it said...

Working mums who you arent friends with and whose kids your kids are not friends with who ring you out of the blue and ask if you can collect their children from school and mind them for a few hours. Because they have more important things to do. And you dont.