This week's email comes from Ami. She writes...
My husband's good friend is getting married in November and hubby is in the bridal party. Our new bub will be about 4 weeks old, provided it doesn't come majorly early or majorly late! The wedding is likely to be a cocktail wedding. It never occurred to me that we wouldn't be able to take the baby until the bride mentioned that "the baby isn't invited". If this is the case then it's unlikely I will be able to go. I'm hoping Hubby can talk to his friend and find out if it's really going to be a problem or if the bride will change her mind. I understand the whole no kids running around thing, but really it will just be a little pudding at that stage. I know the bride is well within her rights to set the 'rules', but am I being unreasonable to think it should be ok to take the baby?
Look forward to some collective words of wisdom!!
Whilst I absolutely get why people prefer not to have kids at their wedding, for whatever reason (for us, it was about wanting the parents to have a good time!), I think babies are the exception to the rule here.
A newborn is hardly likely to run around the reception, knocking over flower stands and swiping extra pieces of the wedding cake. Newborns are easily contained. And often when they're so young, at the very least, parents don't always feel comfortable leaving them with someone (especially when a wedding can be hours and hours), or if they're exclusively breastfed, they need to be close by every few hours or so! We had friends who had a baby 2 weeks prior to our wedding, and we invited them to bring the baby to the reception (all kids were welcomed to the church), which was at Hubby's cousin's home, so that they could feed him and the like whilst there.
My gut feel is that this Bride doesn't want anything to go wrong on her big day, and is imagining your newborn bub screaming his or her head off during the ceremony! I don't know any mother who would just sit in a church during a wedding ceremony and allow that to happen, but not being a mother yet herself (and probably anxious to have the 'perfect day'), she's probably not thinking along those lines.
Seeing that Hubby's in the bridal party, I would definitely have him talk to the Groom. Men are usually more relaxed about this sort of thing, and I doubt the Groom would say no to your Hubby. Make sure Hubby reassures him that if there's any noise, you are more than happy to walk outside with Bubs. Have him lay it on a bit thick, with, "I'd really love for her and the baby to be there..." etc.
In any case though, if the baby's attendance is a definite no-go zone, don't feel you have to miss out. Here's what you can do:
- Feed bubs just before the ceremony, whether he or she is due for a feed or not. If the ceremony is close by, and you have a trusted family member or friend who's happy to help out, leave him/her with them. Or...have them come with you to the ceremony, and they can walk bub around in the pram outside, or stay in the car if he/she is asleep. (Grandmothers would LOVE this job.)
- You might be lucky and, by then, already have a fair idea as to when Bubs will feed, so with regard to the reception, try and give him or her one last feed before you're due to leave, and if you feel comfortable, leave them with someone again and return home after a couple of hours. (Just enough time to enjoy a glass of champers and a bit to eat!) If you're bottle feeding, you can leave some milk and stay longer at the reception, or if you're breastfeeding, and you're able to express, you can leave a bottle of expressed milk!
It's do-able. But, being your first, you may not be comfortable with that, and I completely understand! I probably wouldn't have left Bubs with someone, but then again, I had no family around, so perhaps if I had it might have been a very different story! And certainly, by the time I had my third...he was left with a friend very early on! ;)
Hope this helps, Ami!
Ok readers - it's your turn. Any help for Ami?
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