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Sunday, November 21, 2010

The Dance of Revenge - Chapter Three, Part III

We pick up where we left off last week in The Dance of Revenge - the book I started writing at age 14...

I feel the story has been a bit slow the last few weeks. Setting the groundwork for the story and all that, ya know? But anyway - this week we finish up Chapter Three, and I've had a little look through Chapter Four and the story starts to pick up again then. At least, I think it does. 

Anyhoo....if you missed last week, or any of the story so far, just scroll down my homepage and on the RHS you'll find some ballet slippers and underneath those, links to all the story so far. 

Now, sit back and join Sherrie and [read my comments in red in brackets like this]. Enjoy...

Chapter Three
Part III

The clitter [think I might have meant 'click'] and clack of the train kept Sherrie from falling into a sleep of exhaustion. She had rushed from her ballet class to catch the train that would take her to her grandmother’s apartment.

Sherrie loved her grandmother very much and always loved to visit her after class. Her grandmother wasn’t too old. In fact, she was only fifty-five. [Oh, far out. That’s only 15 years away for me. That is DEFINITELY not old!] She was kind to Sherrie and helped her with any problems or misunderstanding she had with her mother.

Her grandmother had grey [of course, don’t all old ladies?], short hair with matching eyes that were huge and warm. Grandmother Dolty had the most warmest [just 'warmest' would have done] personality that Sherrie had ever come across. The way she spoke to Sherrie with her eyes warmed Sherrie graciously. [I don't really get that last sentence. Do you?]

The stop soon came for Sherrie to get off and walk to her grandmother’s apartment. The station was jam packed with people who waited to board the train. Sherrie’s duffel bag hung heavily over her shoulder as she pushed her way through the busy crowds to the opening of the street. When she finally reached the street, she turned to her left and hurried herself three blocks away to the apartment that lay on block 150 La Rouge Street.

All of a sudden a bicycle bell rang and the wheels of the bike fled past Sherrie’s ankles. She jumped in fright, and looked to find a young boy laughing wickedly and riding further down the street. She scowled at his face moving further away. [I hope his body was moving with him. Awkward.]

“Sherrie?” called a voice from above her head. She craned her neck to see her grandmother standing over the balcony full of plants. [Was the balcony or her Grandmother full of plants? I'm confused.] 

“Oh hello grandmother!” Sherrie exclaimed.

“Come on up before that nasty boy comes back.” She smiled with both her lips and eyes. Sherrie felt warmth go through her as she climbed the steep stairs to the open arms of her grandmother.

Embraced in her arms, Sherrie felt more relaxed and comforted than she had in ages.

“Come and sit with me, Sherrie,” her grandmother coaxed. Sherrie turned to sit down and noticed her favourite cake and chocolate drink sitting on the old wooden coffee table. She sat and began to tell her grandmother about her ballet. 

Ok, so short one this week - but I just wanted to finish the chapter. It's been a little busy around here lately, but I'm hoping to publish ALL of Chapter Four next week, so please join me then my lovely readers. 

Until then...



Katie said...

You had me at 'Clitter'

So Now What? said...

Oh I hope we clear up who was full of plants. I'm imagining the grandma as on of those unfortunate ladies who grows branches out of her hands. Can't wait for more (any your commentary is hilarious) Bern

x0xJ said...

Ok so i don't comment every week but i'm loving this. My internet time has been cut drastically at the moment and this is one of my "must reads"