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Sunday, March 06, 2011

The Dance of Revenge - Chapter Fourteen

It's time for another exciting (ahem) instalment of The Dance of Revenge. The book I started writing at age 14. 

I was talking to my friend, Jen, on Friday about this story. Some weeks, clicking 'publish' is hard. Cringe-worthy even. Clearly, I was reading some pretty racy novels back then to be able to write some of the stuff I did back in 1985 (and I'm sure my mother would have been mortified)!

Thankfully, this week it's not so bad. It's another short chapter. Perhaps I was losing interest in the story? More likely, I was starting to feel overwhelmed by all the sub-plots through my storyline. There's so much going on, I'm not sure if I was confident I could eventually tie it all together by the end!

In any case, we pick up from last week when Louina had a fainting spell after she found out her true identity may be revealed. Dramatic stuff.

If you're only joining in now, you can catch the story so far by going to the homepage and scrolling down until you find the pink ballet slippers on the RHS. Under that, you'll find all the links to the story.

As per usual, my comments on my own story will be written in red [in brackets like this].  

Enjoy, people...

Chapter Fourteen

MARIANNA knocked softly on Louina’s door. There was no answer in response. Slowly she turned the doorknob. The room was dark except for the light which beamed through the open door. Marianna shut it [that’d be the door] quickly, but quietly, so that she would not disturb the sleeping body. Marianna looked at the figure that lay underneath the sheets. Marianna knew she felt strongly towards the young girl – she thought of her as her own daughter, but she knew that this girl wasn’t her daughter [clever woman], even though she wanted that. It would make her sad if Sherrie had to go back to her real parents.

Yes. She knew her real name. It was Sherrie, not Louina. She had found that out last night when Louina had awoken, delirious, mumbling words of her mother. Marianna had asked her name, to see if she was responding properly and the girl had replied, “Sherrie,” not Louina. [Da, da, da, daaaaa.]

If Marianna mentioned this to anyone it would be over. Louina would leave, to her real parents, and Marianna didn’t want this, she wanted Louina here, with her.

Marianna looked at Louina sleeping. Yes, she thought, this will be my daughter, in place for the one I lost. I won’t lose Louina. Ever.

Marianna quickly retreated from the room and walked around the gardens to her own room. Once inside her room, she walked purposefully to the phone that lay on her dresser. She picked up the delicate phone [probably meant ‘ornate’ phone?] and dialed the operator.

Oui?” the operator called [or ‘answered’ would have worked].

“Yes, could you please dial the local police station. Thank you,” replied Marianna.

“One moment, please.” There was silence for a moment and then came a dial tone.

“Central information. May I help you?” came a young man’s voice.

“I’d like to talk to the chief detective, thank you.”

“One moment please.” There was a slight pause and then another dial tone came. Finally, after three rings, the phone was answered. [Think I’m getting ‘dial tone’ and ‘ring tone’ mixed up.]

“Detective Pallon.” Marianna swallowed her nervousness.

“Detective Pallon, this is Marianna Silk,” she announced crisply. “I’m here to discuss something with you.”

“Marianna Silk,” came the detective’s words, “A pleasure to speak with you. How can I help you?” His words were kind and soothing. Marianna smiled. Being rich and famous sometimes had its assets. [Well, one would presume, if one was rich, that there would be ‘assets’ involved. And having those assets, as well as being famous, may have its ‘advantages’. Non?]

“Mr Pallon, if possible, I’d like the list of names of the people in the train accident which occurred not so long ago.”

“The one near that small town just outside…” [HA! We still don’t find out exactly where Sherrie/Louina lived…because I obviously had NO IDEA of any locations in France other than Paris!]

“Yes,” Marianna [conveniently] interrupted, anxious to get the names.

“Well I’m sure I can get them for you. Could you hold for a moment please?”

Oui, oui,” Marianna replied, somewhat anxiously.

Merci.” She heard the phone clink on the surface and sighed nervously. She hoped Louina’s real name wasn’t revealed. She hoped Louina was speaking someone elses name.

The phone rattled and the detective’s voice came clearly over the phone.

“Here we are, Mrs Silk. Do you have a pen and paper?”

“Yes, yes.” She didn’t, she was only listening for one name.

“Alright. Peter Mallone, Lara Pallore, Paul Loren, Melinda Fontane, Sherrie Dolty, Jermaine D---.” Marianna gasped, tears springing to her eyes. Her worst thoughts were correct. Louina Silk was Sherrie Dolty. She had to be.

Marianna decided to not tell anyone. She had lost one daughter, she would not loose [or even, maybe, ‘lose’] Louina.

Detective Pallon interrupted her thoughts.

“Madame Silk? Madame, are you there?”

Oui, detective. I am sorry. I was distracted by a knock at the door. I must go, but thank you for your help.”

“My pleasure, Madame Silk. If you need anymore help…”

Oui, oui. Merci, Detective Pallon, I must go. Au revoir.” She placed the receiver on the hook quickly.

Her worst fears were revealed. She knew she was being selfish, but she couldn’t help it. She hurried from the room and walked towards Louina’s room. No more would be said. 

Well, well, well. Will Louina's true identity be revealed?

Stay tuned.

Image: We Heart It


Tara @ Our Whirlwind Adventures said...

I can't wait until next week.
My life is officially over when you finish this novel, you do realise that!? Maybe invent more chapters? Hahaha.

Jodie at Mummy Mayhem said...

You are too kind, Tara.

You know, I've tossed up finishing it just for here, but I'm not convinced my writing has improved enough! When the story finishes up, I'm planning a nice long post to explain the storyline and how I had planned to finish the book.

Thanks for reading, hon. x

Miss Pink said...

You need to finish this book now. I am LOVING the read, i don't comment every week, but it is my Sunday evening read, and probably the only reason i turn on the computer of a Sunday evening.

Jodie at Mummy Mayhem said...

Wow. Thanks Miss Pink! That's a huge honour. Who'd have thought, at 14, I'd be entertaining you some day! ;) x

BS said...

I think you are being a little too hard on 14-year-old Jodie; she did a wonderful, creative job in writing this novel. I am sure she grew up to be an extremely imaginative and creative author.

Jodie at Mummy Mayhem said...

Thanks, BS. You are, as always, too kind!

Actually, I think all things considering I did ok. Especially seeing that I wrote the story straight on my typewriter - no changes or re-writing! Good Lord, if I posted some of my blog posts like that, they'd be a complete mess! :)