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Monday, March 28, 2011

The Dance of Revenge - Chapter Sixteen

A day late, but here it is...the latest instalment of The Dance of Revenge...

Once again, my apologies for this post coming a little late this week - especially after a WHOLE week's break! Tsk. 

I can't believe we're already up to Chapter Sixteen.

If you need a reminder of what happened in the last chapter, go to Chapter Fifteen and have a quick read. (Personally, I think the shark attack scene in the last instalment was some of my 14 year old self's best work. Cough.)

If you're just joining in now, and a new follower (hello!), and you have no idea what I'm going on about, this is the book I started writing at age 14. I've decided to (somewhat bravely or stupidly, I can't decide which) post it here. All the links to the story so far can be found on the RHS of my homepage in the sidebar. Just scroll down until you find the pink ballet slippers (natch).

Now, before I push on, I have some news about Dance

This is the last chapter. 

Yup. After this week, my manuscript is fini. Done. Over. (It rather took me by surprise when I discovered this - I knew it was close to the end, but not this close.) I never picked up my typewriter and wrote another scene, or even a measly sentence of this story. I'd like to think I got busy with my school work, but I'm going to take a bet and say I doubt that was the case. I probably just got distracted with another interest - like a boy or something. Who knows? I was fickle back then. ;)

But now I'm betting you're wondering what would have happened to Louina, right? (At least, I hope you are, and you're not all, "Oh, thank goodness this shite story is OVER!") 

Well, I have a plan. Next week, I'm going to post a wrap up of the storyline, so you can find out what I had planned for the book. A few have suggested I just continue to write the story from here, but honestly, there are so many gaps in the (rather dodgy) storyline, I'm quite certain I couldn't fill them all. Besides, I very much doubt my fictional writing has improved considerably since I was 14. (How embarrassing.) 

In any case, here's the final chapter for Dance, and please...stay tuned next week when I reveal Sherrie/Louina's fate. (Because like, you know, I doubt you have ANY idea what's about to happen. Ahem.)


Chapter Sixteen

THE next day Louina awoke fairly early and headed straight to her exercise class. She then had a bit to eat with Marianna. Everyday she felt closer to this woman and she felt Marianna felt the same. [Do you think that’s really how she really ‘felt’?] The day went relatively quickly, mainly because it was the day before her first operation. Louina’s stomach filled with nervousness and anxiety. Her mouth became very dry and she drank many glasses of water. [It’s the finer details that make this story so interesting, isn’t it?]

Marianna joined her for dinner in her room at about six o’clock. They ate chicken and salad. Louina picked at her food and hastily pushed it around her plate. Marianna frowned at her.

“Please Louina, eat your food, you will feel sick if you don’t. Won’t you try to eat at least some of your salad?” Louina looked desperately at Marianna.

“My nervousness is putting off my feel for hunger. [Huh?] I’m sorry, Marianna. I feel ill, maybe I will sleep for a while.”

“No, no, no little one. If you sleep now, you will awake early, very early and you will not be able to sleep any more and that will make you feel exhausted. Let’s just act as though it is a normal night alright?”

Louina nodded slowly and Marianna smiled. Louina smiled back. She was glad of the woman’s company. It made her feel happy. She knew that Marianna felt like the mother she had never had. [She just knew, ok?] The mother who cared, the mother who didn’t leave you to die, or to think of your feelings. [Ok, I totally don’t get the last part of that sentence: ‘or to think of your feelings’.]

Louina sighed. Lately she had been dreaming about her mother. What was she doing now? Sleeping with Adam? [I don’t think I meant ‘sleeping’ in the true sense of the word, you know? Wink.] More than likely she was. If he had never come along, maybe her mother would have kept on caring, loving her. Maybe now she would still be doing her ballet and living in happiness. But she wasn’t, not really. [‘Living in happiness’, that is. It’s pretty obvious she’s not doing ballet lessons.] Revenge had taken over her thoughts. She still hadn’t thought of a way to get back at her mother and Mr Brair.

Marianna suddenly interrupted her thoughts asking if she wanted to play chess.

Oui, I would like that,” Louina replied. “I shall beat you though Marianna.” Her smile was playful and daring.

Oui? Maybe you think you will, but you are looking at the champion of Silk Palace!”

Silk Palace?”

“Our home ma cherie.” Louina laughed. She felt happy that Marianna had said our instead of mine. [Although, presumably, she would have said ‘my’ instead of ‘Mine home, ma cherie.’ Oui?]

“Of course,” she replied. “I should of [‘have’ – the same thing I’m correcting in the 9yo’s writing!] realised that.”

The next hour was spent playing chess. Louina let out a squeal of delight. [Is chess really that exciting?]

“I won!” she exclaimed. [Oh, ok.] “I am now the champion, no?” Marianna laughed heartily.

Oui, madamemoiselle. I believe that is correct. Indeed you are! For now. Wait until you play my husband. He will surely beat you. He is a wonderful player.” She smiled.

“Better than you?” Louina asked slyly.

“Well…” They laughed and joked and then decided to turn in for the day. It had been a joyful night. [‘Joyful’, eh?]

“Now I shall be left to think of my operation,” Louina said sadly.

“Would you like me to stay with you Louina?”

“Oh no Marianna. I will be alright. You go to your own room and rest. I will see you tomorrow.”

Marianna walked slowly over to the door.

“Alright, ma chere. If that is what you want. See you tomorrow then.”

“Goodnight, Marianna.”

“Goodnight Louina, god bless.” She was gone.

Louina looked at her bed. She wasn’t very tired. Suddenly a thought struck her. Maybe it would be better to practice her dance for a moment. It would be good to do some of her ballet again. It had been some time since she had the feel of the floor beneath her feet. [In a dancing sense, that is. I imagine her feet are hitting the floor whilst walking and the like.]

Louina walked over to her door and locked it. Then she made sure that the curtains were securely closed and that her windows were shut.

After doing all these things she checked her radio and found a classical station. Luckily she found some ballet music and then she began. [‘Ballet music’ – because apart from Swan Lake, I couldn’t have named a ballet piece. ;) ]

At first her steps were shaky but soon her feet took over and she was dancing like a perfectionist. Her leaps and bounds were done like a professional. [She must have had a pretty big room to be able to do leaps and bounds, right?] After only a half hour of solid dancing, Louina became tired and stopped. I haven’t been practicing enough! she thought.

Louina walked over to the radio and switched off the pleasant […what?] and changed into her nighties [does she wear more than one?]. She fell into bed, exhausted, but pleased from the strenuous activity. She decided that from now on she would practice once every night.

Louina now thought back to her grandmother’s words. The words that made her promise not to stop dancing. So she wouldn’t, she would continue to dance, as much as she could.

Louina looked at the curtains which were faintly alight, because of the lamps outside in the garden. [In other words, the light from outside was shining through her curtains, ok?] Was her grandmother watching down on her now? Maybe she was.

“Grandmother? Can you hear me? If you can, I want you to know that tomorrow that [probably one ‘that’ would have been sufficient] I’m having an operation to help rid of the awful scars on my face. Mother and Mr Brair did it to me grandma Dolty, didn’t they?” Her whispering paused for a minute whilst she collected her thoughts. “Why did my mother forget about me, grandmother? Why? You left me too, but I knew you had to. You were hurting so badly, but my mother wasn’t was she?” A sob escaped from her throat, causing tears to spring from her eyes. “I-I loved her, grandma Dolty. I miss her grandmother. I do. But I hate her so, so much, I’d like to hurt her, very much.” [Ok, now she’s getting down right scary…] Her sobbing was louder.

“Please, please make her a better person. Please forgive me for my harsh words. I can not help it. She hurt me grandma Dolty. Very much so. How could she leave me to have no family [‘without a family’], to reject me like that! I hate her. I HATE HER!”

Louina’s sobs were loud and clear, she could hardly breath from the sobs that were in the way. Why had her mother made her feel like this? Louina swore then to get back at her mother and Mr Brair for making her such a mess!

After an hour of thoughts of her old home, she soon fell in to a troublesome sleep. 


Leanne said...

Oh man, you're up to Chapter 16 already? I must have missed some. Bugger ....
Will have to go back and start again.

april said...

Oh NO! No more? Really? DAMN. :( (actually your writing is no worse than some of the published young adult fiction I've read...there could be a market for it :)(wonder if "Dolly" fiction still exists....)

Miss Pink said...

Finished? Noooooo.
And hey, if your fictional writing hasn't improved at least your spelling has? Lol.

And i have no idea where this story is going!

Tara @ Our Whirlwind Adventures said...