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Monday, May 30, 2011
How to Fake It: Tips for Housewives - The Last Minute Visitor
These series of posts are for people who, like me, just never quite pull off the whole perfect home thing - but would secretly like to. You either a) run out of time to get everything done; b) have days where you just get too distracted from other things to get your to-do list completed (ie, blogging) or just can't be bothered. (Come on - admit it - we all have days like that, right?); or c) you have young children, gosh darn it - you're not an octopus!
So, like me, you can't quite have the perfect home. Take heart. I'm happy to say you can always fake it when required.
In this instalment of How to Fake it: Tips for Housewives, I'm going to tackle how to give the impression to a last minute visitor that your home is more Bree Van de Camp than Lynette Scavo.
I am not a fan of the 'drop-in' visitor. Why? Because I like to have things in place when people come calling. I'm not a fan of my guests discovering my knickers still lying on the bathroom floor after that morning's shower, or the washing piled up on the couch in the family room waiting for me to fold it. (Patiently waiting. It's probably been sitting there for five days hours.) Nor would I like them to see the Wheetbix from that morning's breakfast still clinging to the dining table for dear life.
Now, if someone knocks on the door without having been invited - you know...all very last minute ("Surprise!") and the house looks like a bomb's hit it, there is only one solution, I'm afraid: Do not answer the door.
However, if you receive a warning in advance, ie the old, "Hi! Oh, good - you're home. I'm going to pop by. I'll be there in 10 to 15 minutes. Byeeeee!" phone call, then don't panic. All is not lost. Here's what you do.
1. Grab a laundry basket - then run around your home and put everything in that basket that doesn't belong where you found it (eg - those knickers on the bathroom floor). Then put the laundry basket somewhere your guest won't find it.
2. Go to your kitchen - and clean up like crazy. Chances are, you'll offer your guest a cuppa and he/she will follow you in to the kitchen whilst you prepare it. Any dishes on the bench and/or dining table either get them in to the dishwasher, or at the very least, pile them in the sink and fill it with soapy water (bubbles always appear clean)! Give the floor a quick sweep if the breakfast crumbs are still all over it, and if you're like me and use your kitchen bench as an extension of your study, then grab all your papers and put them...well, in your study (if they're not already in your laundry basket). Tomato sauce stain on the floor from last night's dinner? Grab a paper towel, dampen it, wipe it off and throw the paper towel away.
3. Get out the lavender spray - I use a Bosisto's Lavender Spray that makes the house smell all fresh and lovely - but you can also use a spray bottle and fill it with water and a little lavender oil. That'll work. Spray it around - especially in your bathroom.
4. Speaking of the bathroom - Just in case your guest has already been out for hours, and might require the use of your water closet, you had better spruce up the bathroom. Put clothes in the laundry basket if you have one (and they're not already in the other laundry basket) and put a new hand towel out - using the old one to give the bathroom basin and/or mirror a quick wipe. Keep bathroom wipes handy - like Pino Clean wipes or the like - because you can give the toilet a quick clean with those. Wipe the toilet over then dry it with some toilet paper and don't forget to flush!
5. Close doors - your the kids' bedrooms are an absolute disgrace? Close the doors. No one needs to see that.
6. Breathe - To be honest, if it's a good friend that's visiting - they won't really mind. In fact, their house probably looks the same way most days too, and they'll just feel better to know they're not alone. ;)
I'll be back with more tips on How to Fake It - Tips for Housewives again sometime soon!
Are you a fan of the 'drop-in' visitor? Have you ever been caught out with a really messy home when someone came a callin'?